How to Not be a Narcissistic Prick
How to Not be a Narcissistic Prick: I am a narcissistic prick. And if you believe the same about me and probably want me to change and be a better person, well…
…screw you! Yes, you! I don’t care what you think. I gave up on giving two fucks about what you think for a while now.
“Hey dude! Why don’t you do this?”
“Yo fam! What don’t you say this?”
“Hey! Guy! Guy! you need to act like this. Dress like this. Speak like this.”
You yo! Why don’t you mind your freaking business? E no dey affect you oh! You just want copies.
I have tried different ways to not be a narcissistic prick over the years but none seemed to work. Do you remember the Short Comb project? Do you? Do you huh? Oh! I am sorry. I don’t mean you oh. I talk to my earpiece most times. Her name is Ure, and she is an excellent listener and motivator. She jams me up when I am down and you know how it is with these things; I caught the feels. We tight, real right. Anyway, Ure hun, could you be a doll and play me Labrinth’s Misfit version of Misbehaving?
She no dey waste time.
Mmmm… sweet! Whoooo!!!
So, Kemi was always on my neck on how I never give her attention and how I always wanted to spend more time with Ure than I did her. Now don’t get me wrong; Kemi has been with me for three years now and has been so loyal and understanding, but Ure; there is this joy Ure offers that Kemi lacks. Without Kemi though, Ure would be useless but she makes that ol’ phone come alive.
Anyhoo… The Short Comb project! My first ever intervention. It was kind of cool yeah? I had mad fun. I think that was where I knew that this life is for me but the uncertain little boy in me stood firm like an M27 IAR pointed right at me. Two sides of a coin. Life or death? Which is which? Who can actually say? We are but strokes of paint on a canvas; some stand the test of time while others fade away. So who determines the victors and the victims? Is it all planned out? And if it is, how do they run the raffle draws?
Guess what? Have you heard Imagination by Labrinth? That’s exactly what Ure just started whispering into my ears. Gosh! Listen! Just listen to the calm in the sound. The truth in the echoes of his voice. Many humans today, youth most especially, live in their imagination. We need to wake up. We think we’re woke. He he he… Yeah! I am laughing at us all. Yes, we have made the clarion call but what next? We have cried out for the end of all things vile and dirty. Great! What is the next line of action? Are we waiting for a time like the Holocaust of the early 1940s to try and take the rein? I am just some narcissistic prick and that’s why I know that series of things should be done, and starting now. I can’t go stating ideas for conquest out here maka ndi sabotage but think about it. Just think about it.
Kini pataki si awọn eniyan wọnyi?
Menene mahimmanci ga waɗannan mutane?
Kedu ihe dị ndị a mkpa?
Go for their hearts and gain freedom.
Kemi has asked me to go to bed. I think we would pick this up later. Not certain yet but let’s see what we can do after I have had a shut-eye. I might still not continue oh but make we dey see.
Oh! One more thing, according to Wikipedia, Narcissism is the pursuit of gratification from vanity or egotistic admiration of one’s idealized self-image and attributes. The term originated from Greek mythology, where the young Narcissus fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water. It was his doom. Also, even if I choose to stop being a narcissistic prick, about five billion humans would still be one.
Written by Professor Khocee Wilson-Ejikeme